Neurotic Paint.

I have inside jokes with myself.

The best asks, ever.

1: What eye color do you find sexiest?

Blue
2: White, milk, or dark chocolate mocha?

White, like the color of the people I talk to the most.
3: If you could get a Sharpie tattoo on your back, what would it be?

Hitler
4: Did you grow up in a small or big town? Did you like it?

Small.
No one likes small.
5: Your favorite adult as a child? (and not your parents, if they were your favorite)
Jim Carrey
6: What kind of smoothie sounds really good right now?
a fat free one
7: Most embarrassing moment from your elementary school years?
In 2nd grade I sneezed and farted at the same time, and got caught picking my nose numerous times till bled, and I would have to go to the nurse it was awful.
8: Most embarrassing moment from your middle school years?
Existing in every class as myself.
9: Most embarrassing moment from your high school years?
I tripped up the stairs and my pants fell down on the 1st day of freshmen year.
10: Pirates or ninjas? Why?
Pirates, because they get money.
11: Have you ever climbed a tree more than twenty feet off the ground?
No. You’re setting my expectations way too high.
12: Did you like swinging as a child? Do you still get excited when you see a swing set?
I loved it till about 2nd grade when this guy kicked me off my favorite swing during recess and declared it his.

Now when I see one I hyperventilate and need an aspirin.
13: If you could have any pet in the world, illegal or not, what would you get?
a lynx would be badass.
14: What’s your most favorite part of your body?
I like my face. It’s god, awfully, awkward and has the capability to make disturbing facial expressions.
15: What’s your most favorite part of your personality?
My sarcasm and artistic ability to pull offensive jokes out of this air i’m breathing in.
16: Madonna or Lady Gaga? Neither? Both? Who cares?

Who the hell would write this question.
17: Have you ever watched the Superbowl all the way through?
Is mayonnaise an instrument?
18: Have you ever watched any major sporting event drunk?
I’ve done many things drunk but that is not one of them.
19: What’s the most delicious food you’ve ever eaten in your life?
bread
20: Margarine or butter? Which did you grow up with?
Margarine, and I grew up butter. A rebeilous child, I was.
21: Whole, skim, 1%, or 2% milk? (Did you know they make 1 1/2% milk?)
Skim milk.
22: Which continents have you been on?
Murica and Murica only. What do you take me for.
23: Do you get motion sickness? Any horror stories?
I’ve thrown up at the fair a few times, and in my mom’s car.
24: Backpacks or satchels?
I’ll stick with backpacks. Dora used one of those and she’s going places.
25: Would you wear a rainbow jacket? A neon yellow sweater? Checkered pants?
I would wear all of those things at once.
26: What was your favorite cartoon growing up?
Ren and Stimpy and Invader Zim
27: If you had to have a cow or a pig, which would you take? Why?

A cow. They’re both cute as hell, but I could touch an utter any time I wanted.
28: If you had to look at one city skyline for the rest of your life, which would it be?
Somewhere in the U.K.
29: Longest plane ride you’ve ever been on?
Never been on a plane. Didn’t you hear about 9/11.
30: The latest you’ve ever slept?
20 hours.
31: Would you buy a sweater covered in kitten pictures?
That would be the ideal sweater.
Would you wear it if someone gave it you for free?
I’d get naked right there if they handed it to me on the streets.
32: Do you pick at scabs?
It’s an obsession.
33: Favorite kind of bean? Kidney? Black? Pinto?
Beans are not my cup of hard liquor.
34: How far can you throw a baseball?
Why are there sports questions. This is tumblr, we hardly see daylight.
35: If you had to move to another country, where would you move?
U.K.
36: Have you ever eaten Ethiopian food? Vietnamese? Korean? Nepalese? How was it?
I’m too picky, I couldn’t stomach it.
37: Small, liberal arts school or public university? Why?
Small school. I don’t like large public areas, and I hate people enough as it is.
38: A relationship with love or one with sex?
Love.
39: Do you eat enough vegetables?
Who needs vegetables when you have some ice cold meth.
40: Do you like horror movies? How about thrillers?
I like them. The suspense makes my noise sweaty.
41: Would you scratch a crotch itch in public?
I thought you were suppose to do that.
42: Do you swear in front of your parents?
Yes, but then they tell me not to, so I have to stop.
43: Coolest thing you’ve ever been for Halloween?
Joker
44: If you could change your natural hair color, would you? To what?
I like blonde, but black would be easier to manage.
45: Do you want to get married? Have kids?
I’m iffy on both for personal reasons.
46: Do you use a reusable water bottle? If not, you should.
I reuse a plastic water bottle. Checkmate, environmental enthusiasts!
47: City or nature person?
I am at one with nature.
48: Have you ever used something other than “makeup” as makeup? (Like paint? Markers?)
I have not. That’s just asinine.
49: Can you walk well in high heels? Even if you’re a guy?
I can’t even walk well on ground level.
50: Post 5 awesome things about yourself. BRAG AWAY!
I can draw, My name is fucking weird, I’m a vegetarian, atheist, and my music taste is better than yours.

(Source: sheepyshavings)

11112.) I regret judging people.

HUH DUR

So I heard scraping noises behind me, and I turn around and my chinchilla is eating something.

She’s eating dry wall.
She’s eating my WAALLLL.

and she’s carrying little pieces of it in her hand, just munching it, so I get up out of my chair neurotically and she starts to scurry away with a little piece of wall in her mouth.

So I just start yelling at her and rip the dry wall out of her mouth, “THIS IS DRY WALL. YOU’RE FUCKING EATING DRY WALL WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU THIS IS HOW PEOPLE DIE YOU FUCKING MORON.”

She just kind of sits there on my lap, while we judge one another.

My mom opens my bedroom door and stares at me for a good while, then casually shuts it and leaves.

and that was the highlight of my week.

(Source: neuroticpaint)